Husband might be drunk. Or I might be tired. Or I just might have questionable tastes on hilarity, I have no objective knowledge on such a thing.
clears seconds from the microwave
Husband: Did you just clear unused seconds?
Me: I did.
Husband: I was saving those seconds, you just wasted them.
Me: They were stale seconds. You can't use stale seconds, I won't allow it in my house.
Husband: Millions of seconds go unused everyday, orphan seconds!
Me: Not orphaned, these are not cute Shirley-Temple-seconds, these are parasite-of-society seconds. What were you even going to use those seconds on? They won't go on anything, they are useless, leech seconds. Loitering around my microwave timer-- loitering is not permitted on the premises.
Husband: Greatest culprit? Popcorn seconds. People fear the popcorn seconds. They play a game of chicken with the popcorn seconds. Caught in a devil's choice of over-irradiated popcorn and teeth shattering kernels.
